


drinks clinking.

by crypticlights



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Yoon Jeonghan, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mutual Pining, Top Hong Jisoo | Joshua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-06 03:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19054198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticlights/pseuds/crypticlights
Summary: booze, make-outs, sex and feelings.





	drinks clinking.

**Author's Note:**

> hello !!
> 
> this oneshot just told me i couldnt write and fuck yeah i cant so im sorry if this is going to be disappointing. but yeah i tried my very best to write this smut until it was at least bearable to read but hopefully ill improve more on it soon (cant believe im actually wishing for better smut writing abilities) 
> 
> warning/s: l o w e r c a s e i n t e n d e d

it always starts like this, with joshua handing jeonghan another glass and jeonghan tipsy enough to not decline the offered toxic beverage.

a fine way to welcome the evening with unfinished business dancing in the air but as easy as it sounds, they were all drowned by hard liquor conveniently circling their whole system making them cough the slightest bit.

how long have they been drinking anyway? joshua isn't even sure. but being able to forget about the fuck ups this day embraced him with and the following more days would be extending, he can't help but to relish in the fact that, at least alcohol was there to accompany him in his pits of despair.

and jeonghan, of course. how could he forget? his sweet, _sweet_ jeonghan.

the very angel he'd suck the air out of. the epitome of _something_ he might actually have time to think of when he's not busy not being sober.

but jeonghan, jesus, jeonghan for god's sake. joshua is surprised to be friends with him in the first place, like really? It’s really such a mystery on how much they've grown in their so-called friendship for the past years they've known each other.

when joshua first met him, he embarrassed himself. well, at least in his mind because he gushed over him so excitedly that the voice at the back of his mind wasn't enough to shut him up. who wouldn't though? jeonghan's innocence is a thing that touched joshua's soul and the way it morphed his very being into more than just normal, is not okay but very much so. jeonghan, even though a few months older than him seemed as if he was a few years younger. the dip of his cupid's bow, the smile of his doe eyes and the jaded look he always has plastered on his face was weirdly endearing and joshua—joshua can only dream of being brave enough to say it to his face.

jeonghan giggles again, breathless, head high up in the clouds with a glass gripped firmly by a soft, small (smaller than joshua's at least) hand. “i think it’s enough that hansol’s not mad that i’ve been ditching all of our tutoring sessions to hang out with you. i basically worship him for being such a cool dude.”

jeonghan giggles again, wholeheartedly. and joshua feels musical notes dancing, thumping playfully around his ear canal. if jeonghan’s laughs were an album, the stores selling it would promptly sell out. “seems like you’re currently taking interests in younger species,” joshua jokes, half-joking, half-hoping jeonghan says _no, i don’t, never_. “hansol _is_ quite a catch.”

hansol, the topic of the conversation, a mix-raced kid who grew up in seoul for almost his whole life but knowing his other race’s language well, a cute boy a few years younger than them with the adorable toothy grin—yeah, it’s not impossible for him to be jeonghan’s type.

“he is a catch, i must admit,” the older of the two pauses, sighing and brushing up the knots from his messy hair and chugs down the remaining liquid from the bottle, “but i’ve already had my eyes set on someone. someone stupid enough to be a coward: a horrible, egocentric, foolish-minded coward whom can’t really get his head out of his ass and consider me for once.”

jeonghan’s eyes are accusing, but they’ve never been wrong. he knows the older is pertaining to him, and it haven’t been long since he knew that jeonghan knew he developed some feelings for him. but he never liked losing, fuck pride and competitiveness but confessing means losing. and losing against yoon jeonghan is an inevitable occurrence but he still thinks of himself good at dodging bullets perfectly aimed at him.

joshua futilely looks back, grabbing ahold of his own half-empty bottle and drinks, making sure to look back as strongly to jeonghan as possible. never backing down, because looking away is stupid and cowardly and he’s had enough of jeonghan putting needles on his back. it’s better this way, playing fire with fire. give jeonghan what he deserves and the very thing joshua wants to actually do for once.

joshua, the subtlest he could ever be, drifts his eyes to jeonghan’s inviting lips slick with booze and cherry red from all the biting due to suppressed pits of laughter. jeonghan is amused, well-knowing at how he drives the other insane, how easy to manipulate joshua into digging in. and jeonghan knows, joshua isn’t afraid of doing what he wants.

jeonghan, mind drifting elsewhere thinks of the time joshua first initiated a kiss. something that he knew was coming but too caught up in the way the other held him down with his gaze to even care. it was so alluring and joshua’s new lip balm was grabbing his attention so maybe, joshua suddenly grabbing fistful of jeonghan’s hair and unceremoniously pressing their bodies closer was without a question, a win for jeonghan’s side.

a series of sexual escapades follow said kiss and as the days go by, the intimacy only intensifies and going as far as doing it. which is totally fine, they’re both full-grown adults (sometimes) and know exactly what they’re doing.

except that they actually don’t. but they don’t make a move to clarify things if these were all for the sake of a quick relief or was it something more.

it became an unspoken rule, the pair was known for being good at not knowing when to keep their mouths shut but this particular subject brings them grasping onto the imaginary zipper of their mouths to keep it tightly sealed.

 

 

it’s been going on for a while, but no one bothered to even notice or even if they did, didn’t bother to speak up about it which is a breath of fresh air for the two. explaining the whole shit to their group of loud friends wouldn’t go so well especially when they themselves can’t decipher what the _hell_ it is that’s actually going on.

joshua inches closer and jeonghan leans down on the couch’s arm rest. Joshua smiles down at him, “you’re so fucking beautiful, jeonghan-ah,” he whispers breathlessly, air ghosting above jeonghan’s awaiting lips as a long, rough thumb came to caress the bottom one. “of course you already know that, don’t you?”

“of course. having you remind me everyday makes it hard for me to forget, shua.”

joshua hums, positioning himself slowly between jeonghan’s thick, firm thighs and moves his hands lower grasping, jeonghan’s tiny waist. “i’d like to keep it that way. not only you, but also for your body to remember.”

joshua says it like a promise that jeonghan almost swoons if only joshua’s lips weren’t too eager to swoop down and claim his.

jeonghan wouldn’t admittedly say that he’s drunk out of his wits but joshua’s kisses felt amazing and he’s being sucked into this void wherein the only thing he could feel is joshua’s lips sucking, kissing and his teeth biting him hard.

tongue collapsing into each other with spit in between, jeonghan moans, lewdly and joshua is already there with his lips lapping onto the beautiful sounds the other makes.

it’s so easy, with jeonghan’s arms wrapped around joshua’s neck and joshua pulling him closer by the waist with chest and flat stomachs pressed against each other. It felt so good, jeonghan resists another moan threatening to spill.

joshua kisses him harder, kisses more than what he bargained for with hands roaming around his every concave and convex until one hand rests around one warm ass cheek and he squeezes just to see the look of surprise cross jeonghan’s face and his long, dragged out gasp signaling that he was caught off guard before joshua is kissing him again. tongue asking for entrance even with the permission given to him a few moments back.

joshua pulls him up to sit on his lap, not breaking off the kiss as joshua rests his back down on the back of the couch, dick bouncing excitedly in his track pants, hitting jeonghan’s ass and dragging a few mewls here and there.

joshua looks at jeonghan straddling him while softly stroking his sides and smiling. jeonghan looks heavenly and all joshua ever wants is to sin with him.

he pulls jeonghan closer to grind upward into the curve of jeonghan’s ass and the older shakes with arousal. eyes glistening and hands wrinkling joshua’s shirt. joshua swore jeonghan almost begged for him to be touched except joshua couldn’t take a minute to just breathe and quickly dives on jeonghan’s neck. sucking on pale, soft skin while the older’s body writhed.

it’s cute how jeonghan decided that it would be a great time to wear a top with the lowest neck line joshua thinks jeonghan owns.

and also a very bold move.

jeonghan knows how joshua gets.

joshua rubbing circles on his waist and simultaneously dragging his teeth and tongue to jeonghan’s exposed collarbones feels amazing that the dizzying effect leaves the older thinking that it’s not only because of the booze before.

the younger continues downwards until the neck line wasn’t helping much and decides that it’s time to take it off.

joshua disposes of it rather quickly, eager to mark as much skin displayed for him to blemish and he surely loves the way jeonghan silently pleads and quietly says _more_ and _there, kiss me there_ and occasional name calling because joshua’s name is fun to moan out loud and joshua couldn’t agree more because of the way jeonghan rolls it off of his mouth shouldn’t be allowed and it’s only one of the many ways on making him slip his sanity and that is right now, wearing thin.

torture was one thing joshua liked to play with jeonghan during sex, taking too long at lapping skin and taking so slow to fucking thrust in. jeonghan was a very patient guy but if he wants, he gets.

“josh, fucking touch me,” jeonghan groans fisting at joshua’s hair he feels like he’s going bald while he only responds by sucking harder on his right nipple. “please,”

jeonghan grinds down on joshua’s dick and it took every bit of joshua’s self-restraint to not grind back.

“patience, jeonghan-ah,” he looks up. cupping the older’s soft cheek with a rather large hand. “you sure you want to come already? when we’re _just_ getting started?”

jeonghan grumbles and tightens his hold on joshua’s neck. “i need your words, babe.”

“fuck you,”

“oh,” joshua muses and chuckles a bit. “it’s very clear who gets to fuck who here, sweetie. i need to hear what you want so i can give it to you.”

“asshole,” jeonghan says sharply and he grabs hold of joshua’s chin to say: “i want your dick buried deep in me and i want you to make me fucking cry that i come so hard i see stars, that’s what i fucking want joshua. now, are you brave enough to be able to do it or are you going to be a wimp?”

jeonghan challenged and joshua loved that. so much. so much that he’s tempted to break him.

joshua only smirks at jeonghan and grabs on his thighs to wrap it around his waist, and carries jeonghan to the bedroom where official business will transpire.

they easily reach the bedroom and the younger is quick to remove his own shirt and proceeds to tug down on both of their pants, leaving them with only their boxers on. he dives back down and claims jeonghan’s lips again but he grinds down for good measure.

jeonghan doesn’t let go of his waist and his neck and digs his heel as a silent thank you for the friction given by joshua.

joshua discards of their boxers quickly and grabs the lubricant, inserting a finger and another and another until jeonghan is fully prepped and stretched for joshua’s dick to thrust into.

“come on, shua…”

jeonghan is hot.

like _hot_  hot.

hot like mouth-watering hot, like burning and dripping with sweat hot, like a fucking _sex-symbol-worthy_ hot.

if joshua was to sin, he’d gladly take up on that offer if it was to sin with joshua pleasuring this godly creature.

he slips in slowly, even with the impatience growing in his veins, he has no intention of hurting the older so with frantic eyes he still acts calm while he slowly kisses jeonghan on the lips, distracting him while he enters him fully.

a few moments of settling in, jeonghan instructs him to move.

slowly he picks up his pace and now he’s pounding mercilessly into jeonghan while jeonghan is happy to scream his name that the whole apartment of joshua and his neighboring apartments would be able to hear that jeonghan is feeling _this_ great and it’s all joshua’s doing.

he goes and bites again at jeonghan’s protruding collarbones and finds the smallest of spaces unmarked and adds more purple bruises, pace quickening as jeonghan breathlessly asks for more and he’s _not going to break, fucking wreck me joshua please._

“i’m close,” jeonghan whispers to joshua’s ear. “so close, shua. touch me please.”

joshua presses a kiss to his lips, “me too.”

suddenly gripping at jeonghan’s dick, he pumps rhythmically with his harsh thrusts and the older is going mad. back arching off the bed, their chests feeling each other as jeonghan moans louder than the last, hands scratching at joshua’s back and he lets him while he indulges on the hole sucking his dick marvelously in.

a few more thrusts and pumps on jeonghan’s dick, they came.

they both pant loudly, trying to catch both of their breaths and jeonghan knows his throat is going to be a little scratchy tomorrow from all the screaming he did.

“fuck,” jeonghan exclaims with barely any voice left and joshua looks at him for a moment but he doesn’t look back.

joshua chuckles and dives in for a long smack to the lips and leaves to get a spare sheet to cover jeonghan’s mess on the bed to be taken care of later on because both were lazy and tired to change sheets.

jeonghan stayed silent because joshua initiating intimacy after sex is something.

sure of course, the spooning.

but…

no kisses. but he suddenly kissed him after he cursed which shocked him for obvious reasons because what did that mean? what was joshua trying to convey with that long lip lock?

jeonghan’s questions weren’t answered but only doubled in number when once again, like a routine, joshua pulls him closer and spooning him while covering their lower regions with the duvet. it wouldn’t be as unusual if joshua didn’t pepper his back and shoulders with feather kisses.

he’s melting. this is not good news. he shouldn’t be feeling this way but joshua is giving mixed signals that he wants to scream at the top of his lungs but joshua’s lips on his skin feels so great he wants to drift off with it leaving sweet marks of saliva and lips on his skin.

on the other hand, joshua is as confused as he is. but there’s a feeling that he cannot decipher so he opts to just go with it and besides, being able to kiss jeonghan is a luxury not all people can have the ability to do.

he intertwines their hands and jeonghan replies lazily with soft hands doing it’s best to cling onto rough fingertips and joshua thinks he’s losing.

but it’s all worth it if it meant he was losing against jeonghan but winning his feelings instead.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

jeonghan wakes up. head pounding lightly and warm breathing against his neck, arms splayed along his waist protectively. it doesn’t take a genius that it was joshua.

jeonghan softly groans, twisting a bit and joshua softly murmurs in his sleep. incoherent and cute and he pulls jeonghan closer. joshua, unconscious enough, leaves another soft kiss on jeonghan’s shoulder before nuzzling into jeonghan’s nape, soft snoring resonating from the quiet room.

3:56 am, the clock on joshua’s night stand blares back at jeonghan and he squeezes his way out of the other’s grip to head to the room’s small balcony with nothing but joshua’s overly-sized shirt from last night.

the cold air nips at his skin, kissing his apple cheeks and hugging his exposed thighs and ankles. He hates being cold and stops himself from regretting getting out of joshua’s very warm embrace.

jeonghan grasps the cold railings softly, hands not getting any warmer and he looks back at joshua, still sound asleep and arms wide open for him to come back to and he thinks about what happened last night.

it was still just sex, jeonghan guesses but there was a nagging feeling telling him that it wasn’t. joshua was in any word… gentler with him because if it were on any other occasions, he would have spanked him, choked the air out of his lungs, backed him up against the wall and fucked him on the carpeted floor but last night, it was different.

jeonghan’s not an idiot to not know that there is a game between them but it seems like it’s taxing on them and jeonghan is on the verge of losing. without a doubt, even if he tries to argue, he knows one too many times his heart skipped for joshua. even for the stupidest, unreasonable situations, his heart will go on a frenzy that it drives him insane but it’s obvious joshua isn’t going to break anytime soon. if anything, the stunt he pulled last night was a short tease, a small taste of what it felt like to lose to joshua hong.

it’s a disaster, an event that shouldn’t have happened but they got carried away on this little sexcapade and it’s rather stupid to go back and start over when one’s already near the finish line.

joshua’s familiar ringtone bombards his thoughts and he hears said male groan from being forced to wake up when jesus isn’t even awake yet.

jeonghan doesn’t look back, doesn’t even try to even when he hears joshua’s soft _hello?_

for one thing, he’s a coward himself. too scared of wanting to know the truth so he turns his back from it and hopes that it’ll go away on its own.

“you know what fuck you too!” jeonghan slightly jumps when joshua suddenly curses but still fights the urge to look back and check if joshua’s okay. “no one fucking asked you, dipshit. go rot on your makeshift deathbed!”

joshua’s father, of course, the only bastard early enough to destroy the younger’s mood. jeonghan’s fully aware of his problematic father. an alcoholic, wasted his life away and never once made a good choice in his life, spending it carelessly on alcohol and drunk-induced decisions.

jeonghan rethinks how much joshua’s gone through just to fix his father’s mess, a mess he shouldn’t even be involved with or obligated to fix himself but mr. hong, the asshole that he is, couldn’t care less.

he wants to go up there and hug him, pull him to his chest and kiss the top of his head to reassure him that it _’s okay, calm down. when we see him, we’ll beat him up together, is that alright?_ but he settles with simply hugging himself, a pathetic way to warm himself up from the cold.

the air is filled with joshua’s heavy breathing, frustrated breaths swarming the space between them, unsuccessfully dragging jeonghan back into joshua’s side. jeonghan replies back with a sigh and looks down on his hands because he suffers from being a coward and sadly there’s no cure for that yet.

maybe joshua doesn’t need his comfort. maybe he’s just thinking too much into things and it ends up killing him inside because he thinks too much but he can’t just stop himself from worrying about the only person that really matters to him.

the person that matters the most.

he repeats quietly to himself just as a reminder how useless he is and maybe he really is, just a little bit more proof needed to finally conclude on his wise hypothesis.

“i wanted to ask you if you can warm me up but from the looks of it, you need it more than i do.” joshua whispers on his ear, gasping he lets his guard down when he confirms that he’s not alone anymore. the younger’s voice is airy and it leaves his skin tingly all the while he feels arms linking itself on his stomach.

“your hands are cold, hannie,” joshua states like it’s not obvious and he pulls it into his large hands, intertwining and resting them back on jeonghan’s abdomen. joshua peppers the side of his neck with kisses and nuzzles his nose on the juncture between his shoulder and neck. “you’re still freezing, am i not good at warming you u—”

“shua, what are we doing?”

he spats out, and he regrets asking it already. but he’s been itching for confirmation for so long his throat is drying. really he regrets it, like how he’s suddenly forgotten about joshua’s outburst just a few minutes ago, like how he should’ve been there holding onto joshua with all his might, asking him tenderly if he was alright. he forgets it, all for some dumb curiosity.

the air stills the same as joshua’s movements at ‘warming up freezing jeonghan’ and maybe the older regrets more. because it’s already morning, the sun is already fucking peeking at the drama that is happening to them and still, jeonghan wants answers.

joshua sighs and jeonghan realizes that ever since he heard joshua get up, he never once looked at him and he’s still afraid to. maybe a little bit more now and it’s all his fault.

it’s so silent and it seeps through his skin, the younger’s still holding onto him like he’s the most precious thing but there’s something inking itself on his head that there’s something that’s supposed to happen, _should_ be happening but he’s not sure if he’s prepared for that yet.

“i promised myself to never be like him,” joshua starts and jeonghan knows he dodges the question but he’s willing to listen to him if it meant that the awkward silence is finally disrupted. “well, look at me now.”

jeonghan never turned back so quick in his life but joshua’s statement left him itching to look at the younger’s face. “shua no, what are you—shua, you’re far from him, god, you don’t even know how different you are from him. smart, caring, considerate—you have no idea how fucking beautiful your heart is. just… stop saying things like that because i’m telling this to you now, you are _nothing_ like him and if you both ever compete who’s a better person, you win by a mile.”

jeonghan’s hands are on his cheeks, thumb caressing soft, warm cheeks softly and joshua holds one and kisses the palm. “you say all those amazing things about me, like you know everything. but do you know how stupid i really am? how selfish? how weak?”

jeonghan’s breath hitches when joshua is stepping closer and pushing him back to the cold railings as joshua looks up at him with a silent message conveying in those black, swirling irises. “i confidently said to myself years back that i’ll never care about someone enough that i’ll prioritize them more than myself and taking care of all of my dad’s bullshit. years later i find someone worthy of everything wonderful and happy in this world with the smile that shines brighter than the stars twinkling in the night sky, heart bigger than everyone combined and with eyes that sparked emotions and held all the galaxies within him and i never had a problem with sharing and giving things before but with that person, something bubbles inside me telling me not to share him with others, that i am enough for him and he should know that because he holds all of the heavenly bodies in his eyes but he’s the one that filled mine but i have always been too spineless to make him feel the things i wanted him to feel, thank fuck he hasn’t left me yet but i’m still the very cowardice to not know how to own up to my feelings and now—”

jeonghan is shaking, breathing unstable and maybe there’s hope rising within him that this game is finally over, he doesn’t care who won or who lost, he just wants the answer he never really got.

but joshua, for once is standing before him, out of his mind and self too desolated to form better words to explain himself, jesus shit, he’s drowning in it, pit of emotions swallowing him whole and making his eyes water but he only looks back at the expectant eyes who paused from his declaration, waiting for something before continuing. joshua opens his mouth and all words die within jeonghan’s throat. “—and now, here i am, looking at him.”

jeonghan is crying, hot tears spewing out of his eyes and joshua thinks that there are billions of stars falling with it and still, jeonghan looks beautiful, gorgeous in every aspect as he wipes those stars away and kisses the older’s forehead softly that jeonghan probably didn’t feel it that well and he still continues on his monologue, “i’m looking at him with everything i have to offer which is nothing much, hoping that he’ll stay with me and know that i’m doing my whole fucking best to make him feel the things i’ve always wanted him to feel even though i suck at it and he probably has been waiting for too long and is near giving up but—”

joshua holds both of his hands, “jeonghan-ah, with all my might, i’m begging you to stay.”

jeonghan sucks in a breath and holds onto joshua’s hands tighter and pulls onto it, kissing the younger’s knuckles. “you’ve never been good with words.”

he laughs, genuinely. giggles erupting from his chest to his lips and he’s contented with the long awaited answer that he finally attained from joshua.

joshua smiles wide, knowing full well what jeonghan meant even without saying it out loud and he enters the small space between them until it dispersed and joshua’s lips are already hugging his.

jeonghan’s hands running from his forearms to his neck and joshua’s hands drifting to his waist, their lips danced with perfect rhythm their bodies knew all too well.

joshua pulls him into the direction of the bedroom with hands smoothing circles on his hips and the younger kicks the glass door closed.

jeonghan notices the difference between them then and now and the list of regrets pile up more. there’s no rush, hands fisting on clothes and tongues licking and nipping, joshua lets jeonghan fall gracefully onto his bed once again but now he pauses. admiration and _something_ , swirling in his eyes and jeonghan is full well his eyes were reflecting those too.

joshua takes minutes of staring and caressing jeonghan, of whispering soft words into his skin, his mouth, his hands, his hips.

jeonghan sighs contentedly, hands massaging joshua’s shoulder blades and nape, tightness of his muscles relaxing under jeonghan’s touch and he thanks him with a languid kiss on the lips with numerous pecks on his eyelids, forehead, cheeks, nose and chin.

jeonghan hums and maybe, just maybe, he long waited for this moment. echoing in the depths of his dreams and the lilting voice that awakens him from his slumber when he’s tangled up in joshua’s sheets and embrace. he has waited too long, but enough just for this to make up for it.

joshua’s more than enough to make up for it. joshua hums on top of his adam’s apple when it bobs and he gently smooches before tugging at the hem of joshua’s shirt that jeonghan’s been wearing since he got up, sliding it softly on supple, pale skin and throwing it somewhere in the room. in any other day, joshua’s addiction of being organized would have remarked on carelessly thrown things on his perfectly dusted and aligned apartment but when jeonghan’s here and in front of him, breathing labored and eyes glassy with need, he couldn’t give two shits about orderliness.

“han-ah, you’re so beautiful,” he kisses softly, words engraving on jeonghan’s red lips from all the make out. “how can i stop myself from saying that to you?”

jeonghan liked it a lot. preens at the praises sent his way and joshua has a knack for praising him—especially in bed.

their movements were slow, taking all the time in the world to indulge each other.

joshua kisses him one last time, tongue swirling with his and hands grasping at his thighs slightly parting it more before kissing down to his neck, biting, sucking another hickey until it’s sure to stay there for a few days and joshua made sure it’s where jeonghan can have a hard time hiding it because after all the confession, all he wants is to have the right to mark him as his own and show the whole world that.

he grabs on hardened nipples and twists and lets go of the other to replace it with his mouth while jeonghan scratches at his scalp, “joshua…”

jeonghan feels the ghost of joshua’s smile on his skin while he moans and shakes out of pure pleasure, hiding half of his face on the younger’s soft pillows and allowing him to continue with his ministrations without further intrusion.

the older bites his lips hard when joshua trails further down south, hand grabbing on his hardened dick and slowly stroking it, “ah!”

he starts and joshua smiles down at him. thumb pressing at the tip collecting sticky liquid coming out and spreading it over for an easier slide. jeonghan keens a sound of approval when joshua quickens his pace, h pulls the younger by the nape to kiss him with all his got. “jesus christ, joshua.”

“good?” joshua asks, liking the sounds jeonghan makes, like voices of angels whispering in his ears and all he wants is to make all those sounds come out of jeonghan’s mouth.

“more than good,” jeonghan replies with half-lidded eyes and back arching off the bed when joshua flicks his wrist, “so _fucking_ great, shua. keep doing that.”

joshua smiles and his eyes twinkle, teeth tugging at jeonghan’s bruised lips and lips drifting towards jeonghan’s earlobe and sucking on it. only now realizing that the other doesn’t have any piercing holes while him on the other hand, have several scattered all over the lobes and cartilages.

jeonghan holds one of the earrings reflected by joshua’s lamp and comments on it, “i love your piercings.”

 _wish you could love me instead_ , joshua thinks but shakes the thought away.

love is something he can’t process right now, absolutely not right now. not when jeonghan’s shaking underneath him, legs wrapped around his waist with cock dripping and waiting for him to continue.

but god, jeonghan is fucking beautiful. how many times can he say this until he’s tired? he’s not sure but jeonghan’s lithe body and perfectly curved waist is calling for his attention and praises that he can’t afford to stop his mouth from excessively worshipping him.

joshua’s pace on his dick quickens while he tries his best to grab a condom and lube with the other and he’s near warning the other but jeonghan beats him to it. “i—please don’t use condoms. i know how crazy that sounds and we’ve never done that before but—”

joshua’s heart skips a beat, eyes staring intently at jeonghan’s flushed cheeks and parted lips while the older looks away, trying his best to occupy his line of vision of other things beside the man in front of him, “i want to feel you… just you and nothing else. i want you to fill me up and i want us to come together—i’m clean and i—”

joshua abruptly stops him with a wild kiss, teeth tugging at his bottom lip and licking it back as an apology. he caresses it with his thumb after stopping at jacking him off, “i get it. i understand, i’m clean too.”

jeonghan looks up at him, eyes evident of hesitation and smiles weakly, “i’m nervous but you’re all i’ve ever wanted so…”

jeonghan trails off and pushes himself up to meet joshua halfway, coming to sit on joshua lap while the other holds him instinctively by the waist to support his weight. his hands come up to grasp on the younger’s cheek and tangles itself on joshua’s hair and smoothens out the knots that formed.

joshua smiles into the kiss, hands rubbing at jeonghan’s back and the older sighs into his mouth, tension out of his muscles and kisses joshua deeper, tongue licking into his mouth, warm and soft and sweet. joshua’s happy that the taste of liquor is long gone because now, jeonghan’s taste remains and even after all of this is done, joshua hopes the taste of him still lingers.

jeonghan’s hands slides down from his hair to his shoulders and squeezes softly, loving the way joshua’s muscles interact with his hands. glad that joshua’s embrace warmed him up when he was just practically freezing minutes ago and he settles to himself that there’s nothing safer than this: arms securing his waist, and lips on lips. the first time in a while, jeonghan understands what it meant to feel at home and the first time joshua makes himself believe that he’s good enough for jeonghan to stay.

“take me, joshua.” jeonghan breathlessly requests on top of his lips and he abruptly nods, guiding the older back down on the bed with a hand on his lower back, still kissing him gently, feeling small hands up his hair and nape.

joshua is determined to make jeonghan feel good because it’s what the older deserves and he’s only hoping that he does a better job than before because he’s still getting used to affection, to showing how much he cares, to opening up his heart and using it finally after locking it for years.

jeonghan closes his eyes, feeling a warm finger circling his hole before slowly pushing in. he gasps and joshua is quick to apologize but he assures him that it’s fine. that he’s _fine_ and perfect and great.

jeonghan’s hands pull on the sheets when joshua adds in another finger to scissor him. jeonghan moans wantonly, biting on the pillows and flushes a deeper red.

joshua thinks why he’s tight when he fucked him only a few hours ago.

“more shua,”

joshua adds a third and curls his fingers where he knows jeonghan’s sweet spot were.

jeonghan back arches off the bed for the umpteenth time and he congratulates himself because it’s a ‘so far so good’.

jeonghan is gasping, breaths uneven and joshua only continues with fucking him with his fingers, hitting that single spot with every quick thrusts and jeonghan’s toes curl, mouth wide open, neck flushed and dribbling with sweat and he, in any way, looks outright ethereal.

“joshua, i’m ready, please.” jeonghan mutters but joshua listened and joshua throws the condom dramatically for effect in the midst of the heat of the moment and covers his dick with lube. stroking it a few times before circling jeonghan’s entrance slowly to not startle the older.

he enters slowly, arms supporting his weight on either side of jeonghan’s head and kisses the older to distract him as he enters inch by inch.

the older’s legs spread wider for him to push easier and he successfully does. he pauses, letting jeonghan shift until he’s comfortable before the older comes up to kiss him and says he can move.

like before, he slowly slides in and out. the older’s walls tightening around his shaft and he groans at the feeling, heat covering him and he pulls almost entirely out and slams hard back in and he hears jeonghan’s high pitched scream. “more, shua, _please_.”

he picks up his pace, dragging out the lewd sounds off jeonghan’s chest and out of his lips. thinks the heavens proud of his angel that he’s putting on a good show.

“ _ah_!” jeonghan exclaims, brokenly and he feels so fucking good and it’s all thanks to joshua. “sh-shua, so _good_ , fuck me more please!”

joshua holds him firmly by the hips and thrusts in deeper, hitting that spot every time and the older is shaking, thrashing on his bed, messing up the sheets and his chest stutters.

he pulls jeonghan up to sit on his lap once again, hands wrapping around the older’s small body and he thrusts his hips upwards.

jeonghan’s gasps are even louder than before when joshua’s dick hits deeper from the new angle and he becomes pliant on the younger’s hold, nails digging on skin and warm hands finding something to hold on to while joshua’s pace never relents but becomes harsher by the minute. eager to hear all of lascivious sounds escape from the older.

they feel the familiar bubble and warmth in their stomachs, primary indication of them near cumming and joshua never stops to acknowledge but only strokes jeonghan’s dick between them.

“shua, shua, _shua_!” jeonghan exclaims, throat already scratchy from all the noises he’s been making and scratches on the younger’s back, body making a beautiful arch and meeting the younger’s chest.

jeonghan chases his own orgasm by helping joshua, lifting his hips up and going back down just as joshua thrusts up and they moan, loudly, enough for others to hear and it’s not the best wake up greeting.

joshua circles his hips and jeonghan is near bursting into tears. he feels so great, joshua feels so great and his movements are making him feel wonders he’s sure no one can even come close in comparison.

the temperature rises and sweat formulate from their foreheads and jeonghan is breathless and his legs are shaking from the over-exertion; he presses his forehead against joshua’s, letting their breaths mingle and they’re kissing again. open-mouthed and lazy, saliva-coated lips smacking against each other, simultaneous to the sound of slapping skin.

“ _close_ ,” he whimpers.

“me too.”

a few more harsh thrusts and they’re cumming, feeling strong waves hit them, their skin glistening with sweat and joshua’s filling him up and it feels so good he moans and kisses joshua one last time with the strength left in him, joshua kisses him back just as tiredly, breathing into his mouth, perspiration forms at their foreheads and their noses collide.

the older pecks his lips, bruised, swollen and used to full extent but joshua pulls at him again to kiss once more, heat transferring between them and joshua can’t get enough. sweet lips tired and wanting rest so joshua lets go even though he doesn’t want to.

if only they could kiss for a lifetime he would.

joshua puts him down and pulls out while jeonghan hisses, back, hole and shoulders sore but he’s so beautiful that joshua chokes.

he grabs for the tissues conveniently placed on the night stand and cleans jeonghan diligently while the older watches him with careful eyes.

“never had the chance to see this side of you, shua,” jeonghan comments with eyes sparkling. stars igniting a billion galaxies and joshua chuckles. “i like this _you_.”

“yeah?”

“mhm,” jeonghan assures with a nod. “feels like i’m being well taken care of,”

“do you like this me better than me before?” joshua asks, out of pure curiosity and maybe because he already knows what the older would answer.

“…yeah,” he pauses to think of a word for a lack of better explanation. “this _you_ feels more reassuring and protective and sweet.”

joshua’s done cleaning him and proceeds to cover him with the blankets since it’s early in the morning and it’s still cold and he knows all too well that jeonghan hates being cold.

he looks down at the older with everything he wants to say and the things he can’t and hopes that jeonghan understands as he looks back, one hand rising up to caress his cheek tenderly.

joshua lies down, looking at him and jeonghan stares back. the younger pulls him towards his chest, arms swung to his waist and he sighs, tired and happy and joshua stares at him and his afterglow.

the sun rays seep through the glass door and it hits jeonghan’s milky white skin and joshua kisses his forehead.

joshua pulls up at his chin, prompting him look up at him and so he does.

“i don't know what this is, but i'm only sure about one thing: that even though my skies have always been black and blue, you brought other colors to it. and even after this sadness-induced alcohol addiction, you're the only clear path within these hazy lines. you'll always be where i come back to. every single time, it'll always be you.”

and that, he knows, is good enough for him to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me and be friends with me on twitter because i dont have a lot of those: @1004biased


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